The Annotated First Email

A letter to the future Mrs. Thomas. This really brings back some great memories from the day after I first met Masha. I don't mind admitting that I was giddy. Of course I was playing it totally cool by waiting at least twelve whole hours before breaking down and sending the ‘can I see you again, can I see you again, please, please?’ email. And of course in her response she basically said ‘Will you marry me please?’. Well almost anyway, since she said "Yeah, OK". So I added the subtext [in brackets] to make my intentions clear.

Hey Maria,

I wanted to say thanks for an enjoyable evening. [Holy Cow! You're smoking hot] It was fun to chat with someone who has traveled as widely as you have [I'm foreign too], and to learn about Cooper, aggressive tennis coaches, and how it translates back to the work environment ("Sit! Stay!", "Attack the problem!", etc) [Here I'm proving that I listened attentively to your every word]. Oh, and thanks for adding to my arsenal of American phrases; I'd never heard the one about Fruit Loops before [Because it was a Russian mistranslation of a real phrase...it was so adorable how you flubbed it. I think I love you, or maybe that white wine spritzer went to my head]. I'll have to try that on my Mum when she comes to visit. [Or better yet, why don't you meet my Mum in person? She arriving in 6 week (actually happened!!!)]

Obviously I don't know what your take on the date was, but I would like to meet up again if you are interested [...in dating a stud]. Let me know either way and I'll (a) give you a call [if you know what I mean] or (b) vanish in a puff of smoke [and diss you on Match.com so you have to date me anyway given that nobody else will go near you] :-)

Look forward to hearing back from you. [Mrs. Thomas]

Dylan

I absolutely recommend meeting your next spouse (?!) online. Sure they may be, in the words of David Byrne, a Psycho Killer. But then again they may be the love of your life.